What is Art?

Once again I'll complain about the lack of my own updates.  I don't know how many of you actively keep up with this but I'll apologize anyway to you.  I can't promise more regular updates but I will update when I feel that I can.

Anyway, this hit me as I was driving today so I wrote it down.  Hope you enjoy and do ask yourself the same question.

What is art?  

What is the line of the pencil, the stroke of the brush, the god captured in marble?  

What is the moving symphony, the adrenaline-pumping concert, the passionate singer?  

What is the tragic sonnet, the bestselling book, the inspirational novella?  

The twirl of the dancer?

The performance of the actor?

The photograph of a moment frozen in time?

The dramatic climax of the film?

The pivotal comic strip?

The comedic animation?

The portrait born in the digital?

The cautious preparation and display of food?

The meticulously coordinated room?

The form of the fabric on the human body?

The string of yarn manipulated with the needle?

The gripping video game?

The titan skyscraper?

The patient work of carpentry?

The form and features of our body?

What is our desire, no, need to create?  What is our need to put more into our world than already exists within it?  Art can be said to be a great many things - free expression, the manifestation of the artist’s thoughts or ideals, a revealer of who we are, both as the artist and the viewer.  Art can perhaps even be said to be truth.  I will not dare to say that those or any other reasons are incorrect, but if you were to ask me, “What is art?” I would look around and within myself and say this:

Art is proof of the soul.

"What is Art?" ©2012 James Curry a.k.a Sem

Sleep deprived ramblings.

Ok, so, I've laid in bed all night for hours unable to fall asleep.  My solution?  Drug myself up with Benadryl and write for a few minutes.  The lengths I have to go to sometimes...

Pretty much the main reason I can't sleep at night is because I can't seem to turn my brain off.  I've heard rumors that there's a magical switch that'll start the shut-down process but I still can't find where that is.  If you know then please let me know, until then I'm going to continue on the road of becoming drug-dependent. 

What do I think about you ask?  Well, if you want me to be perfectly honest: 99.9% percent of the time it's me dreading the unforeseeable future and how I have trouble believing that I'll ever be happy.

Except that's not the problem now, at least not tonight.  Lately, since the start of the new year really, I've been strangely happy.  And tonight I wasn't up all night thinking about horrible things, but rather the opposite.  How am I supposed to win? 

I don't know why I'm happy all of the sudden.  Nothing's changed.  If you asked me about what my outlook on what my future is I would still laugh spitefully and say "Tragic at best."  But I'm optimistic anyway - and I don't know if that's a good sign or just a sign showing that something broke inside.  Maybe the part of me that is actually hopeful has learned how not to drown in the darkness I harbor, growing in strength and power and somehow allowing me to be happy despite my pessimism.  Maybe I'm learning how to be optimistic about myself for a change.  I'm pretty optimistic when it comes to other people, but I've never been good at being optimistic about myself.

I'm not going to complain either way, and I'll just pray that it continues, delusion or not.  I just need to get used to this whole joy thing.

I guess, when I think about it, maybe my outlook did change.  Or I've managed to just focus myself into the present at least. I suppose if you really asked me what my future outlook was I'd say "I don't know," which is neither good, nor bad.  But let's not think about that right now, because if we do my mind will drift towards the bad.  Let's look at the present. 

*I'm taking classes I actually enjoy.
*There's no money woes, school-related or otherwise.  I've had to cut back on my spending a bit but that needed to happen a while ago anyway.
*I'm really into the novel I'm trying to write and I'm really excited about it.
*I have friends that I love and spend time with quite frequently.

Seems pretty simple.  A different job would be nice, but then again if I got that I may die from some sort of awful happiness overload.  Still looking though.  (Longhorn Steakhouse didn't work out.  Their loss.)

It feels like this is all I'm talking about lately, both here and otherwise.  I think it is just me getting used to the idea that I am happy.  That sounds so sad that it's not something I'm used to but it's true.

Which is great.  I just wish I could sleep.

Another Day

I've been neglecting this again and it makes me sad.  Did you enjoy my Christmas and New Year specials?  What?  I didn't finish them, you say?  That's so unlike me to not do something I say I'm going to do.

...

No, I promise I will finish them, even if it ends up with me putting them up in the middle of July.  It will happen, mark my words.

Happy New Year by the way.  We're already halfway through January and I don't think it's going to slow down.  Don't miss out on whatever this year has to offer.  I can't really explain it but I feel that this year is going to be a good one for a variety of reasons - but blink and you'll miss out, it seems.

 Do try not to blink.

Just to catch everyone up on the few things that have happened.  I celebrated my birthday last Wednesday and it was marvelous for the most part.  Spent time with some really good friends and I couldn't have asked for much more.  That was my twenty-first birthday, which is kind of strange to think about but then not really.  I'm entering the prime of my life, or so they say, which is pretty significant since I think that this year will be so significant.  The stars have aligned, perhaps?

I got a raise at my job today, a raise of fifteen cents, and that was with "very goods" all over my year review.  You're darn right I'm "very good" and deserve more than fifteen miserable cents to show for it =|  In the vein of my general unhappiness with my current job I should also say that I have a job interview tomorrow that I pray goes well.  Where, you ask?  The Longhorn Steakhouse.  Yes, me, possibly working at possibly the most Texan-sounding place ever.  Ever.  At least "Texas" isn't in the name.

What position did I apply for?  Waiter.  Well, "server" technically.  ...But, Sem, doesn't that pay much less than your current job?  Yes, yes it does, but I'm quite confident in my ability to win the adoration of the masses who visit and consequently win their generous tips.  All shall love me.

Jumping back to my apparent Texas-hate I feel that I should also share a little something with you all.  It seems within the past year I've grown quite comfortable here.  I've been blessed with new people in my life, one of my best friends lives out here now and I see him regularly, and I'm slowly settling in to some sort of lifestyle that I quite enjoy.  Not to say that I don't still have my problems, it's just that now none of them are Texas-related.  Home really is where the heart is and I'm happy here, and the thought of leaving fills me with dread.  A younger me would jump at the chance to strangle current me.  Just goes to show how we change.  Just don't tell anybody that I don't despise Texas anymore.

My first day of classes for this semester is tomorrow (well, today technically since I'm still a crazy person who abhors normal sleeping patterns.)  I'm only taking two: art and creative writing, but they're both things I enjoy and I'm looking forward to them.

I've also developed a horrid cedar allergy.  Thanks, Texas.  Maybe there's still things to dislike.

Anyway, that's all you need to be caught up on I think.  I don't have any big plans for this year yet.  I hope to fly out to California for spring break to visit special people I haven't seen in much too long.  I'm also hoping to actually get some sort of book mostly written this year.  It's called Birthright and is about the lovely Miss Lysis.  It concerns her past and will essentially be the story of her life.  It makes me excited thinking about it.  Even just the title makes me excited.  Birthright will be the first of a series of "back-story novels" that detail the histories of my characters.  One will center around Sorena, and two other characters I have yet to officially introduce people to named Vivian and Alphard.  The other will center around Sem and Sorena. Poor Francis may not see an origin novel for some time since I don't feel he really needs one right now.

Thanks to Chad I learned that Amazon will publish ebooks for you, which is great news since that takes out the need to send my book to publisher after publisher hoping that one will pick it up.  Now, I'm putting a lot on the idea that some ebook on Amazon will be any kind of successful, but I'm optimistic - I feel good about it.  I know a good deal of people that are quite fond of my writing, so I'll be counting on them to get the word out to everyone they've ever met and to also shove it down the throats of strangers =)

Now, I leave you all with a song.  I was randomly asked by Aaron last night to come up with a song lyric because I'm "the writer" and I can apparently produce song lyrics at a moment's notice.  I gave him the line "red petals drifting into an orange sun".  Well, tonight I wrote the rest of it.  Why?  Well, I've never written a song before and I kind of wanted to finish it.  I'm not capable of doing anything with it musically so I'll leave that up to him since he's "the musician".  I suppose the song is very much inspired by my optimism for this year, but deals with the whole choice thing.  Hang on to what you have, even if you're unhappy, out of fear for worse, or just let go and reach towards the idea of something better coming.

Another Day

I’m standing in the dark with my eyes wide open

I’m holding my hand closed over my heart

Holding on for dear life with all that I have

I can’t let go – not for anything

I need to be strong

The horizon lights up

The night fades away

But is it just another day?

I shield my eyes from the light because I don’t want to see

I don’t want to see what things could be like

I’ll fall apart if I let myself look for too long

I can’t let go – not for anything

I need to be strong

The horizon catches fire

The night pales away

But is it just another day?

I feel a spark stir in the night deep within me

I tell myself, “Love, things could be different than they are now”

Dreams don’t only have to be distant and longed for

No, I can’t let go – not for anything

I need to be strong

The blinding horizon blazes

The shroud of night burns away

But is it just another day?

I’ll have to decide

I reach towards the glow and open my hand

And I watch red petals drift into the orange sun

"Another Day" ©2012 James Curry a.k.a Sem